3 divorces. 1 separation. 8 relationships almost on the verge of separation. Countless fights.

In the past 2 years, I have either been privy to or informed of unending relationship and marriage challenges that face our generation. And of course, I have seen its impact on loved ones, friends and family alike. To the point where I was horrified by the idea of marriage. Is it meant for us? Are we cut out for it? Here’s my take.

– Long-term thinking is an art. We are so instantaneously gratified, that we barely have the patience to plan a few months ahead. Marriage isn’t IPL, it’s that 5am Test match in Adelaide.
– Easily inconvenienced. Disagree with your partner’s choice of beverage? Favorite movie? Preferred past-time? Or their career choice? Awww, so sad, opt out.
– Flooded with options. Most of us have seen enough in our dating lives to know what’s out there. We know our partner’s flaws, and we also know of those in our past who didn’t have them. Was what we had better? Furthermore, what else lies out there? Is a better match just a swipe away?
– Misinterpreting independence. We are easily threatened by the idea of letting our partner have their way. Are they slowly eating into my freedom? Will I lose my identity? Marriage is like entrepreneurship. It’s a choice. It’s freedom. And yet, it’s also a lot of sacrifice.
– Marriage is a merger, not an acquisition. Men have been conditioned to believe otherwise, and my generation has a knee-jerk reaction to this idea of a merger. They don’t disagree with it, but it’s a change nevertheless. Generations of conditioning has made man believe that ‘I am doing so much to be progressive, can she not adjust a little?’. But she is clear – enough is enough, it ends now.
– Carrying forward the balance sheet is key. You cannot possibly leave your individual assets and liabilities behind. It’s what made you, you. Your friends, family, trauma. For an effective merger, respect for each other’s ways and people is key. But who wants to go through the pain of learning and unlearning? Not us.
– Too many cooks in the kitchen, too little spine. The couple. 4 parents. Siblings. Close friends. And of course, therapist/s. Too many opinions and none of the two have a spine, because we never built one. Problem-solving, being decisive, having a backbone etc. are all well-covered only in our resumes.

This is not to say that there aren’t successful relationships in our generation. Of course, many have worked out. But to put it nicely, I think divorces of my times will have a huge choice of partners when they re-enter the market. It is that bad.

I’m not a counsellor, but I try to lend a ear every time something like this is brought to me. And all I ever say to myself is, kya hoga apna. Hum aise insufferable, impatient, aur egoistic kaise ho gaye.

Anyway, if you’re reading this and it strikes a chord, just hang in there, and remind your partner that you’re on the same team, at least until you aren’t.

P.S. It isn’t lost on me that we now have a lot less stigma around the idea of separation. Much better for those who want to walk out of toxicity. This post is about couples who could have or can make it work, if it weren’t for the above.